Decisions and Personal Revelation

Big kid decisions are hard. And they just keep piling up.

I am back in Rexburg and am so excited about it. Three months at home was plenty of time for me. Even though I was working 40 hours a week, it was in 12 hour shifts so I really only worked 3 days a week and had the rest of the time to just do nothing - which I loved before my mission but was a bit hard afterwards. So I am so excited to be back at school.

This is my last semester of classes which is bittersweet. I'm excited to be done but I don't really know what to do afterwards. That's not true. I got a lot of answers on my mission and I know where I need to go and what I need to do. I'm just not exactly sure why. And we all know that I like having all the answers.

New things are popping up that are making me doubt the answers that I've already gotten. After a long drive here and then a spur of the moment trip to Utah I had some health problems flare up on me (I'll spare you the details). I got a blessing from some mission friends and then another one from my Bishop and both told me that I had to make the decision about what and when I am going to do to recover from this. Both told me that it was going to be a long process. My mom has suggested a few times that I move back home and have the surgery and then come back out here in January. That is the last thing I want to do and luckily the Lord agrees. But that still leaves the problem of when to have it.

I am so grateful for personal revelation and the strengthened ability I received on my mission to recognize it. I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who is patient enough to give me the same answers over and over again just to reassure me that I am doing the right thing.

Because I Have Been Given Much...

This seems to be my go to phrase. Whenever I am having a hard time this is the first thing that pops into my head. We sang this song at Grandma Skousen's funeral. At first I thought it was a weird choice to sing at a funeral, but, after talking with my mom I came to realize that this was the theme of Grandma's life. Ever since then I strive to make it the theme of my own life. I love to serve. Nothing brings me more joy. I don't expect anything in return. All I want is to see the joy on the face of those I am serving. This is the reason I think I have the best job in the world. Because I don't have to work; all I do is serve. It can get gross. There are some things I could have done without experiencing but in the end I wouldn't give it up.
I love to serve those around me. I am constantly looking for people who need to be helped. My bishop told me that I have to be careful with that, especially when dating.

Because I have been given much, I too must give. Because of thy great bounty, Lord each day I live. I shall divide my gifts from thee with every brother that I see, who has the need of help from me.

Because I have been sheltered, fed by thy good care… I cannot see another’s lack and I not share-my glowing fire, my loaf of bread-my roof’s safe shelter over head, that he too may be comforted.

Because I have been blessed by thy great love dear Lord, I’ll share thy love again according to thy word. I shall give love to those in need. I’ll show that love by word and deed, thus shall my thanks be thanks indeed.

Fixing Things

"If you're determined to fix every situation you deem as bad, or difficult, or somehow unsavory, then you rob the person of their own chance to fix it, learn from it, or even grow from it. Some things, no matter how painful, happen for a reason. A reason you or I may not be able to grasp at first sight, not without knowing a person's entire life story—their cumulative past. And to just barge in and interfere, no matter how well-intentioned, would be akin to robbing them of their journey. Something that's better not done.”
― Alyson Noel, Shadowland

Recently I had a good friend make an awful decision. It was one that broke my heart as well as the hearts of many others around him and I'm sure his own. I didn't know how to process the whole thing or what I was supposed to do next. I wanted to do something to help him although deep down I knew there was nothing that I could do. While talking to one of my best friends he explained to me that everybody has to come to their own knowledge of what the Atonement can do for them. He told me that if I stepped in and fixed his problems I would be replacing Jesus Christ as his Savior. I would be denying him the opportunity of coming to know and understand the Atonement as I have. In the long run I would only be hurting him.

This has been something that I have thought of the past month or so. It has been brought to the forefront of my mind again as I have recently had others try to dissolve my own unfavorable behaviors. While I appreciate the concern that they have for me, just as I had concern for my friend, I wish they would allow me learn what I am supposed to learn from my experiences.

Everyone has things that they have to learn at their own time and in their own way. It does no good to deny somebody the opportunity to learn these things no matter how dire the situation may seem. Don't get me wrong. Love and support are always needed. But there must be a difference between supporting someone and doing it for them.

Turning Tables

I found a new song that I love.

For whatever reason I can't let people in. I can't let people close enough to hurt me.
I put on this loud, obnoxious front to push people away. And it usually works.
I feel like people here don't know the real me. Not because they don't try but because I won't let them. It's easier to just be loud and obnoxious than it is to let people in and risk getting hurt.

Words

Desire.

Motivation.

Productivity.

All good words. None of which describe me in the past two weeks.

Priesthood

I am so grateful for the Priesthood in my life.
I sat down to talk with my Bishop the other night and we had a really good conversation. I left feeling recharged. I am amazed at the inspiration that he receives as my Priesthood leader.

I am grateful to know that there are those around me who hold the power of God and can use that power to help me when I am in need. I am grateful for those who know and recognize that power. I have so much respect for those that hold that power in humility and who willingly want to use it to bless the lives of others.

Whirlwind of Acitivties

Sometimes people are very different than you think they are. Sometimes in a good way, sometimes not so much. But oh how I'm grateful for those good surprises!

This semester continues to be a whirlwind of activity. I'm already feeling burnt out and we're only a few weeks into the semester. Maybe one of these days I will learn that I'm not super woman and I can't do it all. But for now, here I go.

I've only taught institute once so far. It went okay. I had almost 15 minutes left at the end and that was very frustrating. But now I know for next time that I need a longer lesson plan. I loved the students and can't wait to go back in a week.

I'm teaching Relief Society this Sunday. It will be the first time in a few years. I'm kind of excited though. I get to pick the topic and I'm doing it on Psalms 46:10 "Be Still and Know That I Am God." President Eyring talked about this in general conference when I was down in Hawaii (October 2010). It is a saying that has stuck with me ever since and gotten me through a lot of hard times. It holds so much power in it and can help in so many different situations.

School is going. I like some of classes, can't stand some of them, and love a few of them. Okay I love one of them - my SPED class. I love kids with disabilities. They hold such a special place in my heart. I have a hard time majoring in child development because I know that I am academically capable of more difficult classes (hence the computer science major and math minor). It is when I am around these kids or learning about these kids that I remember why I am a child development major. I know that my Heavenly Father has a plan for me that involves kids with disabilities. It's hard to explain. But when I'm learning about these kids and spending time with them, I know that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing.

In a week or so my neighbor and I are going to sing in Sacrament meeting. I can't wait! I miss singing so much! This morning I went down to the lounge with a few friends and played around on the piano. I miss playing the piano. I miss singing. They're two things that I need to take the time to do more often. They both provide such a relief for me. Singing is the best way for me to bear my testimony. I can't always put my heart into words. But I can put it into music.

Callings

I'm back here in Rexburg. It's a bittersweet thing. Mostly sweet but it's a small town and it's cold! The sweet is that I needed to get away from home. I love my family and I had the best job ever but people tend to settle at home and settling for something that is less than what I can have is not something that I ever want to do, so getting away from little Marysville was a good thing. And I only have 2 semesters left after this. My plan is to do go to school spring and fall semesters so that I can walk in December and then go and do my internship somewhere else.

I got back to Rexburg on a Tuesday. I spent Tuesday and Wednesday getting moved into my new place (where I know no one) and getting ready for school. I started school on Thursday. Friday I was called to be the Relief Society president. I had to have the names for my counselors put in by Saturday so that they could be called on Sunday. I had to have the rest of the names for my board in by Tuesday. I had just moved in and hadn't even met all of my roommates yet let alone the girls in my Relief Society.

The only other time I have had to call counselors was when I was in the young women class presidencies. Then it was with people I had grown up with all my life. I knew them and they knew me. But this time I knew no one. I had a list of my girls with their pictures. I spent hours staring at their pictures and reading their names. Some girls I had really strong feelings about what calling they should have. Other girls I just could not figure out where to put, every one of those girls ended up with another calling in the ward that fit them to a tee. I have been absolutely amazed to see the hand of the Lord in this organization. This has been such a testimony building experience for me that this really is the Lord's church. He wants and needs specific people in specific places and He will do what He needs to to get them there. I am so grateful that I am a member of His church. I honestly do not know where I would be in my life without it.

2012

Things don't always go according to plan.
A few months ago I finished filling out my mission papers but when I went in to have my interview with my branch president something didn't feel right and we decided that this was not the right time for me to go. So, here I am back in Rexburg!
I'm interested to see what 2012 has in store for me!
I'm going to have a very busy semester but I am so excited for it!

I am taking 18 credits so that I can graduate in the next few semesters.
I will be teaching the special needs institute class about every other week and I cannot wait! I am so excited for the opportunity and the challenge!

List 21

A little explanation for the things on The 21 List

While I'm 21 I will...

1. Become the person I want to be

“You become what you want to be by continuously being what you want to become.” I absolutely love that quote. That’s kind of what this whole list is about – a to be list. These are the things that I want to become.

2. Become an early riser

There is a reason this is still on the list. I just hate to get out of bed. Waking up – not a problem! You can come in and talk to me. Just don’t expect me to get out of bed.

3. Dress up every day

It’s a proven fact that you do better on tests if you dress up to go take them. So why not apply that to everyday life? I feel better about myself when I dress up and get ready. So no more rolling out of bed, throwing my hair in a ponytail and running out the door.

4. Finish reading Jesus the Christ

I started this book a few weeks ago. Oh man! It is one of the hardest books I have ever read. It’s a really good book. It’s just that it’s so hard to read that the thought of it makes me run in the other direction.

5. Exercise more

Well, there’s a reason this is on the list again this year too…

6. Volunteer more

I want to start volunteering with children or the elderly.

7. Finish my bachelors degree.

I only have 3 more semesters left. So I’ll actually finish right after my 22^nd birthday but the majority of it will be during year 21.

8. Eat less fast food!

I eat so much fast food! It’s sick! And not healthy. And it’s breaking my bank. So it’s got to stop.

The 20 List

Being 20 was fun. But now I'm on to bigger and better things. Here is a look at how I did on "The 20 List"

1. Learn to live without a plan.

2. Take life as it comes.

I feel like I’ve done very well with these two. I don’t think they are things that you can accomplish and check off the list, I think they are things that you have to continually strive to do. But I feel like this year I’ve been able to step back and say ‘It’s okay if my life doesn’t go according to plan. It’s okay if the plan changes. As long as I am having a good time along the way.’

3. Finish reading the Doctrine and Covenants.

This one didn’t go so well. I got about half way through and then I just found it to be so boring. But I did continue to read my scriptures! But like living without a plan it is a work in progress!

4. Learn a new craft.

I learned to sew. I’ve always known how to sew a little bit. But this time I really learned. I even made my own pair of jeans! (Yes I can actually wear them). I really enjoy doing it too.

5. Eat healthy.

HA!

6. Exercise more - yoga!

HA!

7. Be spontaneous.

This is one that I want to keep working on.

8. Talk to strangers.

9. Be independent.

I think I have done very well with this one (I think I always have). Sometimes I do a little too well and I have to remind myself that it’s okay to let people in.

10. Volunteer more.

I need to work on this one more too!

11. Become an early riser.

HA!

Sometimes in life we feel stuck, as though our lives are not going anywhere. That's how I feel right now. I feel like I'm ready for a change - a big one! I'm just not sure what that change is!

I think during times like these it's helpful to look back on the past at all of the amazing things that you've accomplished. So that's what this post is, a reminder to myself that I am progressing in life and that I'm not leading a stagnant life with no direction.

Since I've graduated high school...

I moved away from my parents house.

I graduated from BYU-Idaho with me A.S. degree in general studies with an emphasis in early childhood education.

I moved down to Hawaii and studied international studies at BYU-Hawaii.

I moved back to Idaho and am now 3/4 done with my bachelors degree in child development.

I've made so many amazing friends along the way. And I'm so grateful for the experiences that I've had.

Praying for Snow

Today just seems to be a posting day!

I've had a few really cool experiences this semester that I need to write down before I forget them. I am taking a sewing class from an amazing lady. She has some of the neatest stories and experiences that have really helped to strengthen my testimony.

One is involving the earthquake in Japan and the nuclear reactors. After everything those poor people had been through they had to face horrible weather conditions. My teacher has a brother who works with nuclear reactors here in the U.S. He told her that the snow and rain that Japan was getting was the only thing preventing the nuclear reactors from going into a complete meltdown (or whatever it's called when people would have started dying from it). He told her to pray for snow. Sometimes the things we think are the worst possible things that could happen are the things that are keeping us alive. I am so glad that we have a Heavenly Father who knows what He is doing.

Home!

I'm going home this weekend!

Oh how I wish that I was going home for good.

But...just the weekend for Spencer's high school graduation.

I can't believe that one of my baby brothers is graduating high school! He'll be coming to college out here in the fall! That's just scary!

Only a month and a half until I get to move back home though! 6 weeks. 46 days. So exciting!

The Unexpected

Some things in life are unexpected and that is what makes them hard.

But I am so glad that I have a Heavenly Father who knows what he is doing.

I am glad that he knows what is best for me in the long run.

I am glad that he is willing to let me go through hard things to ensure that I will be the happiest I can be in the end.

Changes

I have a feeling there are about to be some big changes in my life! :)

I'm a Junior?

It recently dawned on me that I am a second semester junior in college. That means I'm almost done. And that's scary.

I feel like I was just barely graduated high school. Spencer, my little brother, is a senior this year and is getting ready to come out to college. It feels like I just went through that process.

Somehow I decided to come back to BYU-Idaho. I spent an amazing semester down in Hawaii and make great friends and memories but now I'm back up here. Since I had to reapply to Idaho I now go to school during winter and spring semesters and I will be back home for the fall. I'm not too sure how I feel about that yet. Depending on if I play my cards right, I have three semesters left. I am enjoying school more than ever now that I am taking all classes for my major. I'm taking a sewing class this semester and I absolutely love it. And since I need a minor I have decided to be a clothing construction minor. This means a few things, 1) I'll be able to make a ton of awesome things and 2) I'll be taking fun, hands-on classes and not lectures! I'm really excited for that.

We've hit midterms, which is always the point in the semester when I start to lose steam. Usually this would be my last semester and then I would go home for a break and make some money. But this year, I have another semester before I go home. This means 1) I'm not going to have a break to gain more steam and 2) I'm running out of money. I've heard Rexburg is really fun during the summer so I'm excited to stay and do the things I've never gotten a chance to do before because of all the snow.

Kool-Aid for Your Toilet?

I stumbled across this fun blog and thought this post was interesting -

We've mentioned in the past over at Unplggd that Lemon Kool-Aid is a great cleanser for your dishwasher, but we never really thought about using it in our toilet before.

Although lemon works great, check out the ingredients in orange... it's the citric acid that helps to clean your bowl! All you have to do is sprinkle the contents of the package in before you head to bed, swirl it around with a toilet bowl brush, and let it sit over night. The acid in the drink mix will go to work cleaning away tough stains and build up if you don't have the best water conditions.

It's eco-friendly, so if your favorite pooch is a toilet drinker, they'll receive a happy surprise next time they go to take a lick and find out their regular "agua-de-bano" is now fruit flavored! Don't believe us? Give it a try!

Alma

One of my Year 20 goals was to finish the Doctrine and Covenants.

I'm about halfway through right now but lately I've felt that I need to be reading the Book of Mormon instead. I pretty much have the first book of Nephi memorized since I've started it so many times. This time I decided I wanted to start with Alma.

I'm only a few chapters in but I've already found so much that I've missed when reading it in the past. And I'm excited to learn more.

How To Do Scholarly Research...

Remember how I'm a junior in college in a 300 level class sitting in the library learning how to do research?
Awesome.
If you're a junior and don't know how to do scholarly research you may need to go retake your ENG 101 class.